Two Tears
by ChocolateRaspberry
Summary: Marias father passed and Steve is there to console her. A story where Maria learns how to open up and let others in only to get hurt in the end. Dark fic with some swearing. Steve/Maria. Probably a four-shot. Story better than summary. Rated T, maybe even M.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh my god, I'm publishing my first fanfction, YAY, after years of being a avid fan. **

**Anyways this is a avengers fic with the pairing Steve/Maria, somehow I fell in love with that couple. This is a dark fic and contains some swearing.**

**Disclaimer: I dont own the avengers even though I wish I owned Steve Rogers and Clint Barton (naughty face)**

* * *

The avengers were sitting at a table discussing a case with Fury. "Where is agent Hill?" Tony chipped in, "Normally she would be standing next to you trying to kill us all with her glare." Fury narrowed his eyes at Tony "Her father passed" Everybody gasped. A couple of month prior Tony had done some research, out of whatever reason, on her and filled all them in on her family history. How her mother died during childbirth, something her father always resented her for. How she had a tough childhood full of abuse. Steve didn't want to know Tonys sources. "Give her my condolences" Tony said nonchalant and the rest of the team grunted in approval.

Steve couldn't believe how heartless they were. They had no idea how it felt to loose a loved one or in Marias case a very important person in ones life. Their attitude towards Maria was totally incorrect. They only saw her as the emotionless, glacial synonym of Fury and not as the Maria he knew. The Maria he knew was somebody, who had a rough life, but survived it and and made it out of it with some scars, scars that would never fade, scars that affected her life, scars that made her built up a protective wall around her, push everyone away and let nobody in. The Maria he knew was funny, smart and kickass.

Steve decided to stop by at her place later that day. Maria had to be taking this really hard, she never ever **_ever_** missed work. Up to this day nothing was even close to bad enough to be considered worthy of taking a day off for.

Steves decision had absolutely nothing to do that with the fact that he had a small crush on her. He was somewhat familiar with Maria, if you could call it that. He cared for her. They had made-out a couple of times after missions and once they even ended up in bed together, but that had meant absolutely nothing- to her. Other than that he had always admired her from afar, the determination on her face, how she sometimes furrowed her brows in confusion and how her hair framed her perfectly chiseled face. He had never met such a confident and headstrong woman, and the fact that she could kill him in his sleep really turned him on. Sometimes they even had short, heartfelt conversation about the weather or the missions.

Maria never was a fan of the avengers, she still isn't, but she tolerated Steve and minded his company the least.

* * *

Steve pressed her doorbell. No answer. When he noticed that Marias door wasn't completely shut an alarm bell went off in his head and he entered her apartment.

The room was dark and smelled strongly of alcohol. Steve's eyebrows pulled together in a concerned frown as he walked quietly towards the only indication of life in the apartment. The television was on, and Steve stopped in surprise when she saw what was playing on it. As he watched who he assumed to be a man looking like Maria twirling a beautiful woman in a white dress around on a wooden dance floor. They were smiling broadly and Steve watched as the man looking like Maria pulled the woman close and kissed her softly, lovingly

"It was their wedding night," Her voice sounded from somewhere in the darkness. Steve's eyes closed in pain as he exhaled at hearing how broken she sounded. The pain in her voice was almost unbearable. "The only time I've ever seen evidence of him being happy."

Steve bit his lip and walked a little closer to the couch. He saw the outline of her slouched over, unkempt form. Steve took another step forward. Maria took another swig of her scotch. She didn't make another effort to speak, and silence hung in the air as the dance ended and everyone applauded. The man and the young woman kissed once more before the screen went blank. Maria didn't move. Steve sighed and approached the couch, where he took in the full extent of Maria's state. Her hair was messy, and the bags under her eyes were turning into a unhealthy shade of purple. Judging by the three empty and two full scotch and tequila bottles beside her, the glass in her hand hadn't moved since then either.

He sighed and reached for the three empty bottles, removing them from the table and placing them in a black trash bag on the bar. He next went back and grabbed the two full ones. He moved them away and moved back towards the couch. Maria still hadn't moved. Steve moved to take the glass from her hand, but her grip tightened. His lips pressed together in irritation.

"Leave it," She snapped.

He rolled his eyes, "How much have you had to drink?"

"Not enough."

He tried again, but she maintained her grip.

"Maria!" he said in a warning tone laced with weariness. She didn't respond. He sighed and moved in front of her. She sat slouched against the back of the sofa, her left hand holding the scotch glass that rested upon her left leg. He knelt in front of her, placing his hands gently on her knees. She stiffened slightly, as though she was uncomfortable. He moved his hands slowly up her legs, eyeing the glass in her hand. He reached the glass and gently pried it from her hand. She let it go. Maria exhaled as he placed the glass on the table beside the couch. She still didn't look.

Steve reached up slowly to touch her cheek with his right hand, but she jerked her head away, and he withdrew his hand.

"Please leave." she said coldly.

"Look, Maria, I know you're hurt, but you can't just sit here.", he said softly, trying to get her to look at him.

"Leave."

"No," Steve frowned stubbornly.

"Get out."

"No. Maria tell me what happened, you can trust me" he stated more firmly.

"Get out!" She finally yelled, glaring at him, but not quite looking him in the eyes. Steve flinched away from her.

"I tried to blame everyone else," Maria finally spoke, "But it wasn't their fault. It was mine. I killed my father"

"What?" Steve asked, recoiling even more in shock, "Maria, that wasn't your fault."

"Yes. It was." her hand twitched as though she wanted to lift the scotch glass, that was no longer there, to her lips.

"Why on earth would you think that?"

"He died on drug overdose, heroin"

"But its not your fault. You didn't give him the heroin. You weren't even there."

Maria remained silent.

Steve stared up at her. Suddenly, she flicked her eyes to his.

"How does it feel to sitting in the same room as a murderer?" She drawled out.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. I killed both of my parents. I'm a murderer."

"Maria…" Steve tried to reach out his hand to her again, "No, you're not. You aren't responsible for either of your parents' deaths! Its not your fault!"

She pushed his hand away, and jerked up off the couch.

"Yes, I am! I'm a murderer dammit! I should have been there for him! He wouldn't even have felt the need to take drugs if I wasn't such a big disapointment. My mother died giving birth to me! I killed them! What the hell kind of daughter does that, Steve? What the hell kind of monster does that?"

"You're not a monster!" Steve stood up, approaching her slowly.

"Why can't you see it? I'm a fucking monster! I killed them!" She knocked over a lamp.

Maria was still on the warpath. She attacked the bar, smashing the empty alcohol bottles. She kept smashing anything that looked remotely breakable. Steve just stood and watched, powerless.

Finally, Maria stopped and stared at her hand. Steve didn't realize why until he saw the blood dripping from it. He gasped and picked his way as quickly as she could through the glass littered floor. He reached for her and grabbed her hand to inspect the gash.

"Come on, you have to get that cleaned up," he said at last. She didn't protest as he pulled her along to the bathroom.

She looked at him with a blank expression. He hated that lifeless, dull look. It was so far from the Maria he knew. He searched through the cabinets for anything resembling a bandage. Maria leaned against the wall while he searched. Eventually, she located the first aid kit, and pulled it out.

Maria didn't resist as he took her hand and pulled her over to the sink to rinse the cut out. Next, he retrieved the bottle of antiseptic.

"This is going to hurt," he warned, but she didn't so much as flinch. Steve thought he may have caught a slight increase in her breathing rate, but other than that, she was fine. He grabbed the roll of gauze and bandages and carefully tied it around her hand. She was completely catatonic through all this.

After everything was done, Maria returned to leaning against the wall, a lost look in her eyes. Steve replaced the first aid kit, and when he turned back to look at Maria, she had slid down the wall and was sitting on the floor, her head in her hands, elbows propped on her knees.

He knelt before her, and pulled her hands away from her face. Her eyes were red from the lack of sleep, and she avoided his gaze. He placed a hand on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him.

"It's okay," he said softly. Her head bowed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, into a hug, something she was very unfamiliar with. Her head fit into the crook of his neck, her arms found their way to wrap under his and she clung to him as though her life depended on it. As he rested his chin comfortingly on her head.

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**So how was it? **

**Review, this is probably going to be a four-shot! **

**PLEASE Review, so I know how this story is, if it needs improvement. Thx!**


	2. Chapter 2

**You all must be wondering what the chapter has to do with the story. That is going to be explained in the final chapter. I wanted to name this fic 'Cruelties of Life' t first but then I finished the final scene and 'Two Tears' was more fitting. BTW I didnt finish writing this fic yet, I just write the final scene first and then think of the events leading to it. **

**And the _italics _are flashbacks.**

** Sorry for the long Authors Note.  
**

**Disclaimer: Yes I bought avengers yesterday and later I have a date Chris Evans (Steve Rogers). Right now I'm texting with Gwyneth Paltrow, Cobie Smulders and Scarlett Johanssen. Tomorrow I will spent my day with Robert Downey Jr and Jeremy Renner. And oh, Santa Claus is my dad. **

**Yeah right, I wish!**

* * *

The next day Maria was back at work, she didn't even bother to conceal the dark rings under her eyes or put on make-up, she couldn't care any less. Everybody could feel the aura of misery around her and nobody dared to go near her, not even Tony had the audacity to throw in a witty comment. Everybody, who crossed her received an evil glare- if looks could kill half of the employees of SHIELD would be dead by now.

But it wasn't Marias fault she acted the way she did, Maria did the only thing she knew when it came to feelings- cover them up with coldness and scare everyone away.

* * *

It was lunch break. The sickening smell of food was wafting through the air, Maria wanted to gag. She made her way to the roof, in her hands a hot mug of coffee, she would have preferred alcohol, but that was prohibited in SHIELD during workhours- so meanwhile coffee had to do.

Maria liked the roof, no one came up there and she had her peace and quiet. She liked being alone.

The icy winds messed up her hair and she could feel herself shivering violently but she didn't care. The cold winds felt good against her hot skin.

Suddenly Maria wished she could cry. Crying would help her alleviate her pain, make it more bearable, but she was Maria Hill, Agent Hill, and it was beneath her to cry. Why should she waste her tears on the cruel drunk she called dad anyway? Her whole childhood he had been terrible to her, making her end up in hospitals at least once a month. Every viber in her body burned in hatred for the man who had given life to her.

But no matter how sadistic he was, Maria had always yearned for his approval, tried to make him proud, but he was never satisfied with her.

In his eyes she was just a piece of trash sent from hell to torture him, to ruin his life. And as she grew older Maria had slowly started to believe that. She thought herself below everybody else now. She wasn't worthy of friendlyness or love, she didn't deserve those things. He was the reason she was the way she was. She had had a childhood without love and that had affected her whole life: she built up a wall around her and treated everybody with coldness. She didn't let anyone close to her because she was afraid, afraid of getting abused and hurt. Because of him she developed antisocial traits and had an inability to trust, because of him she always seeked out isolation and abused alcohol. Maria felt helpless. "Fuck!" she shouted. She had joined the US army and then became a SHIELD agent to not feel like that anymore. She didn't want to feel helpless and defenseless and weak she wanted to be able to stand up for herself and defend herself.

"Agent Hill?" she heard a soft voice behind her. She spun around "What do you want, Rogers?" her voice was rough and laced with fatique, she hadn't sleet since her father passed, she was awake every night, afraid that she couldn't handle the nightmares. Steve remained composed not even flinching at her tone "I want to check if your okay." "Why do you care" Maria hissed. Steve spoke softly "I know how it is to loose someone very important in your life. I know it isn't easy. It has a way of eating you up, leading you onto a path of self-destruction." "If that's your only concern then I'm okay, thank you very much" Maria said with all the annoyance she could possibly master.

"Ma… Agent Hill" Steve started, gripping her shoulders, "Why are you so persistent on pushing me away. I want to help you, I don't want you to walk the same path I did. Like I said yesterday: You can trust me." "I don't need your help" Maria glared at him, "I am perfectly able to handle myself." "Maria" Steve was slowly loosing his patience, "Just admit it. You are feeling cold and lonely, you are doubting yourself. You have to start let other people help you. You have to talk with other people or else you will have all that frustration boiling inside off you till you cant take it anymore. When you reached that point nobody can help you, nobody can save you from yourself. Trust me I've been there." "Why are you doing this to me" her hands were in fists, "Urging me to deal with my feelings. To this day I have been perfectly fine keeping my feelings to myself." Feelings make you weak.

Steve sighed "I am urging you because I care about you" "Okay. If" Maria emphazied the 'If', "If I ever were in the need to talk to somebody you will the first in mind." She scowled not liking how the conversation was going.

Steve left, leaving Maria with her thoughts alone. He did have a point, it was unhealthy and emotionally scarring to keep all the anger and frustration inside letting it torment you in your sleep. But feelings make you weak. Feelings were best left unresolved. But it wouldn't be to bad to talk to someone about it... Maria quickly neglected that thought. She was Maria Hill, she didn't need anyone, all she needed was alcohol and the believe in herself- even though the believe in herself was slowly fading.

Maria sat down, pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her them, primarily to shield herself from the cold and secondarily to hold herself together, to not let herself fall apart.

* * *

Steve meant every word he said. He had been there, the path of self-destruction, the point of boiling over. After waking up after 70 years everyone he loved or cared about was gone. Up to this day a feeling of loneleyness overcame him, the feeling of rejection. Everything he knew was gone, now he lived in a world of enstrangement. Steve could only hold onto his memories, but they too were now getting unclear and vanishing into oblivion. More than once Steve had thought about ending it all but he always decided against it. He was a rolemodel for many people, they all looked up to him, he couldn't dissapoint them.

Suddenly he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket "Hello?" his voice was raspy. "Captain Rogers" he heard Marias unmistakable voice. "Yes?" "about your offer to talk, I'm taking you up on that" Steve couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice "Okay, how about my place" "I'll be there as fast as I can" She hung up. Steve scratched his head.

Maria Hill was coming to his place, she seeked him out. That was strange. The death of her father and her thought that she killed him must be really eating her up if she was willing to come out of her shell and invite someone in.

* * *

Maria was going through her old photo albums. Each picture brought out memories in her, most of them bad and traumatic ones. In one picture she was in the hospital, the doctors had just popped her dislocated shoulder back into place. With a shudder Maria recalled how it had happened:

* * *

_She was eight years and sitting in her room playing with her actionfigures (Maria didn't strike me as a doll type). Her father was out late drinking. Suddenly she heard the door slam close and loud footsteps towards her room. Maria quickly stood up and straightened her clothes. She could feel fear creep up inside of her._

_ "Maria!" her father roared and stormed into her room. He lifted his hand and hit her hard in the face. Maria saw black dots before her. She fought to stay conscious. Her cheek burned. "What did I do?" she brought out. Her father grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her off the ground shaking her violently "What did you do" he laughed and Maria could smell the alcohol in his breath, "You exist" with a roar her father threw her back against a wall._

* * *

Another picture. Maria saw herself standing next to a man. She felt her throat tighten at this particular memory:

* * *

_She was 11 at the time. Her dad had invited over a man. Maria went to grab a drink out of the kitchen. The man suddenly grabbed her by the arm and looked at her father as if asking for permission. Her father just shrugged "Do whatever you want with her.", he said cruelly. The man smiled diabolical and dragged her into the kitchen. He lit himself a cigarette, smiled at Maria and asked her if she wanted a cigarette. Maria said no, he asked her two more times and two more times she said no. He got angry and grabbed her and pressed her to his body and forced her to smoke. Then he threw her across the room into the concrete wall on the other side, he came over and kicked her a few times. He picked her up and slammed her into the ground. Then he pinned her against the floor and took her clothes off, during the whole thing Maria didn't cry or flinch, she stayed still silently praying._

* * *

Maria had been hurt, hit, and sexually molested a number of times but that was by far the worst.

Then there was another picture of her and a boy. That memory marked her life more than anything else:

* * *

_She was sixteen and he was seventeen. His name was Jerred and he was her first love. She wanted him to met her dad so one evening she asked her dad "Dad, there is this one boy I love and I would like to invite him over for dinner" He dad laughed "Love and feelings make you weak. Does that boy love you too?" Maria smiled "I think so" Her father started laughing so hard he had to hold his stomach "Love you? That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Maria, nobody will ever love you. Sooner or later they will see that you are just a filthy piece of trash, you don't deserve love. And if you really like that guy, break-up with him and save him from the biggest mistake he'll ever be able to make." "Mistake?" Marias voice was shaking. "You. He will regret it the rest of his life. You are the biggest mistake your mother and I ever made, I still regret it. Tell the guy he can do so much better than you. He could marry a broke drug addict and he'll still do better. He could marry a psychopath set out to kill him and he'd still do better. Maria, you just have to deal with the fact that you are absolutely worthless and pathetic excuse for a human. You don't deserve to be loved, you deserve to rot in hell. You screwed up so many peoples life, you bring pure misery. If a guy ever wants you, warn him that he's about to make the biggest mistake of his life. Maria you deserve to die alone and be forever alone."_

* * *

Maria felt how she was on the brink of tears but she quickly stopped them. It was beneath her to cry. Crying was for weaklings and babies. What's in the past is in the past.

Slowly her past caught up to Maria, all the memories flooding her mind, making it play wicked tricks on her. When Maria pushed back the sleeve of her sweater she remembered how her arm looked like back then: a vision of blue, purple and yellow, the colors swirled together into a sick rainbow. Some bruises were fading, but the yellow bruising from age added an extra element of horror, many of the bruised were shaped like hands. On her arm were also many small scars inflicted by glass. Her father had often thrown her into a glass table or tossed plated and cups at her.

Maria couldn't take it anymore, everywhere she looked she saw parts of her terrible childhood, her past. She saw glass splinters everywhere on the floor, shattered mirrors, broken plates. Chairs, tables, mugs flying through the air towards her. The strong smell of alcohol with a faint scent of blood entering her nose. In panic she grabbed her phone and called Steve. She needed to get away, away from the memories, away from her hellwhole that was her past, away from her dad and most importantly away from herself.

* * *

**So what do ya all think. Is it okay. I didnt have any inspiration so I'm sorry if this chapter is boring and the dialogue stilted. I apologize.**

**Review, Review, Review. Reviews are like a little ray of sunshine on a rainy day :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**This fic may seem a bit unrealistic to some of you because you think Marias issues are a bit too severe. I took it upon myself to do some research about the long-term consequences of childhood abuse and neglect.**

**Phsychological consequences:  
****isolation, fear, and an inability to trust can translate into lifelong consequences, including low self-esteem, depression, and relationship difficulties, antisocial traits**

**Behavioral consequences:  
****abuse alcohol, or take illicit drugs, violence **

When she finally arrived at Steves place she was half crazy. Everywhere on the streets she saw her father chasing after her with a alcoholic beverage in his hand ready to smash it onto her head- it wasn't like he hadnt done it before. All those memories were tormenting Maria and she couldn't seem to shake them off, it was like a movie playing in her head over and over again- laughing at her pain. Normally when she was awake she managed to subdue the memories, but as soon as she turned off her nightlight she wasn't in control anymore, her subconcious took over and brought pictures into her head, which she just wanted to forget. Ever so often she would wake up in the middle of the night, beads of sweat adorning her forehead. In the last couple of years even Marias subconscious learned to deal with her past and Maria was able to sleep without nightmares. But now that her father had passed the memories came flooding back and Maria could do nothing about it, she was drowning in them. It was like life's cruel joke.

She rang Steves doorbell and he quickly answered the door. Maria pushed past him into his apartment and planted herself onto the couch. She looked absolutely horrified and in panic. Steve had never seen her like this. She was usually always composed and calm, but now she was nervous and upset about something.

"What happened?" Steve asked awkwardly. "Nothing" Maria tried to sound cool.

"Maria you don't have to play the cool person now. You have to learn to open up to people, that's the only way you can survive in this world. You will feel so much better once you have all that frustration and rage out of you." "What are you saying" Maria raised an eyebrow having no idea what Steve was playing at. "Maria tell me everything, shout at me and cry and…" "I don't cry" Maria growled, "Crying is not my thing" Steve snickered "Once you have everything out of you, you will feel much better." Maria was very hesistant. She was entering a dangerous territory. Once inside there was no going back. Maria smiled at the irony, she could handle violence and war but she couldn't handle sharing her feelings, coming out of her shell, breaking down her walls.

Maria inhaled deeply, ready to talk "I umm… My father emmm… We… hmmm… When I was a… little girl, my father abused me. He hit me and I ended up in the hospital quite often… I felt helpless and defenseless… alone, rejected… vulnerable. My father left marks on me physical and emotional ones. I'm letting him rule my life, he's everywhere, when I'm awake I can still beat him but once sleep takes over he torments me in my sleep and it's my childhood all over again. I always wanted to get closure, but now that hes dead I will never be able to get that. Now I have to live with him the rest of my life. It pisses me off that I had the chance to get rid of him but I was scared, okay, scared… I am just too fucking afraid, too afraid to face him… Steve this is not helping!" she screamed at him, "No one can help me. Everybody just let me down. I even prayed when I was younger. I always prayed that god would turn me into a bird and I would fly far far away from him (Forrest Gump much?). I tried getting help but no one believed me. I learned I can trust no one and that in this fucking world everybody just cares about themselves, nobody gives a crap about others" Maria was trembling.

"Are you sure nothing can help?" Steve tilted Marias chin and forced her to look at him. Maria gulped and nodded. Steve pressed his lips onto hers in a soft kiss. "Does that help." Maria nodded "A little" "Didn't you have friends, who helped you through?" "I only had one friend. One friend I could always rely on, one friend who was always there for. Alcohol. It helped me through my whole life."

"You didn't have any friends?" Steve asked looking at her with pity. "I wasn't axcatly the most socialble person. I pushed everyone away" "Didn't you have a way of handling bad situations. Everybody has a way: some eat, some cut themselved, some isolate themselves, some hide it behind irony, what did you do besisdes drink alcohol?" Maria looked like she was deep in thought, "I used to watch movies and pretend to be the girl who gets swept off her feet. I would sit infront of the TV and wish for a guy to come and bring me far away from home"

Steve smiled "Lets watch a movie, you choose?" "What do you have?" "Everything, I have apple TV" Maria jumped up and grabbed the remote control. Maria chose a playlist of movies and was planning to start with 'Say anything'. Steve motioned for her lift her feet. She lifted them long enough for him to sit and then rested them on his thigh. A little smile made its way onto Marias face. This was the Maria Steve knew, the Maria who could openly show emotion and be easygoing.

"Isn't it a teen movie?" he asked, adjusting her feet on his.

"Are you saying that I am too old to watch it?" She smirked to herself, knowing that Steve wouldn't dare to take the conversation in that direction.

"Yeah, I am not getting into that," he shook his head, chuckling.

"Yeah, it is, but I used to have this huge crush on John Cusack. So I thought, why not? Besides it's still a great movie." She smiled up at him.

He returned her smile and then noticed the other movies on the playlist. "Why do all these movies have a innate appeal to woman?"

"They are called chick flicks now a days" Maria said.

She clicked on 'Say anything' and it started to play.

They had reached the end of the movie.

"They're going to kiss now" Steve said. "What?" Maria laughed. "I can tell when two people are about to kiss" "Oh ok, I mean it must be so hard. I mean besides the romantic music and their lips nearing each other there are no indicators what so ever that would make you think their about to kiss." she said ironically, " Even I can tell!" She looked at him challengingly, her competitive spirit kicking in.

"I know you can do anything and everything, Maria," he ruffled her hair fondly, "but you can probably tell only when you've seen the movie before. While I, on the other hand, can tell even without having seen it before. I would like to think that that's something special."

She looked at him incredulously, "Keep telling yourself that." When they looked back onto the screen the credits had already rolled in.

She shook her head, "And thanks to you, I've missed the last scene." She clicked on "The notebook" to be played next.

"Aren't you gonna watch the end again?" he asked, reclining his body along the length of the sofa and moving farther up against its back so that she could fit in too.

"Nah… I've seen it a hundred times before." She smiled, returning to the couch as she lay down next to him, nudging him to move further back, fitting herself close to his body.

"So what are we watching now?" He draped his left hand loosely over her waist, slightly pulling her in towards him, while the right supported his head.

"The Notebook."

"Because you used to have a huge crush on Ryan Gosling?" he asked, as the title sequence began.

Her lips twitched slightly. "that too, but mostly because its fun and I don't know… I guess it's more relatable and real than many other movies."

"Hmmm…" He didn't know about the 'real and relatable' part, but there was nothing that could possibly be better than watching a movie with Maria. There was something about the way she got engrossed in the whole movie and the way she tried to hide the effect the movies had on her, that he found endearing.

"They're about to kiss" and indeed Noah and Ally crushed their lips against each other.

Maria smiled. She hooked her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. He leaned in, their lips centimeters apart. "Can you still tell when two people are gonna kiss?" He nodded before he lowered his lips onto hers. She and attacked his lips with a ferocious and sensual kiss. Steve felt that this wasn't one of their usual make-outs, this meant something. Maria brought her lips to his neck, kissing, biting, and sucking each section of skin that she touched. Her hands continued to travel his chest arms and back, dragging her nails along the contours of his muscular form. She made quick work of Steves shirt as he lifted her her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, and carried her to the bedroom.

The next morning Steve awoke with a content smile on his face. He rolled over on his side wanting to embrace Maria in a hug. His arms met emtyness. He opened his eyes, surveying the bed, she was gone. Steve shot out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. Maybe she was making coffee or something. His smile got replaced by a scowl when he realized that her clothes were gone too. Maria was gone.

Steve showered, did his morning routine and got dressed. He went to SHIELD HQ. Maria was already there she made sure she was never alone and as far away from Steve as possible. Steve frown got even more unfriendly.

"what bit you in the ass today?" Tony smirked and Steve threw him a menacing glare. "Girlfriend problems?" Tony teased. Steve growled and ignored Tony for the rest of the day.

The day went by with nothing spezial except Steve trying to get Maria alone to confront her, but Maria made sure that at all times somebody was with her and when Steve made his way towards her she quickly spun on her heel and started talking to some agents. Everyone was very suprised, normally Maria avoided contact with other human beings like the plague and today she was communicating with them on her own free will. Steve tried everything to get her alone, at one point he even considered sending her flowers froma secret admirer to meet him on the roof, but Steve knew there was a higher possibility of her killing him than them talking. He almost had her cornered when some blonde agent made her way to him and started talking to him, getting all hair-twirly and eyelash battery. Steve felt very uncomfortable as the blond agent was undressing him with her eyes. She was talking about some case when Steves gaze drifted to Maria, his almost smiled triumphantly when he noticed that she was green from jelousy. This was his chance "Agent Hill" he shouted Maria shot up embarrassed of being caught staring at them, "I have something very urgent. Could you please help me" Before she could answer Steve dragged her away, leaving the blonde agent alone.

"Just so you know I prefer brunettes and green is not a good colour on you" he smirked. "What?" Maria looked down onto the ground. "You know green of jelousy…" "I am not. For all I care you can go and have children with that whore" "As I said, I prefer brunettes, always have, always will" He pulled Maria into a room and the atmosphere changed "Why did you leave this morning?" "last time I was gone before you woke too" Maria said matter of factly. "But this was different and you know that" "How different?" Maria played dumb. "This time feelings were involved, you felt it, I felt it." "I didn't feel anything"

Steve sighed deeply and looked at Maria softly "I love you Maria". Marias eyes widened, no this couldn't be possible. She knew somewhere in her heart she loved him too but she wasn't ready to admit that yet. She had vowed to herself to never let anyone in and by letting Steve in she was going to loose to herself. She knew she had already let Steve in but she just couldn't admit that to herself. The thought of having let somebody break down her walls scared her. Maria realized she could trust him, but she just couldn't, she didn't know why but she couldn't trust anyone, not even if she wanted to. Since the day she asked her father if Jerred could come for dinner she had had relationship problems and an incredibly low self-esteem when in romantic situations. She didn't deserve a guy like Steve. Steve deserved a pretty, not messed up girl without daddy issues. "Maria," Steve said softly, "I love you because your smart, funny, determined, strong and gorgeous." Marias eyes turned cold "Steve I…"

"I know this is probably important and I hate to disturb" Tony popped his head in all suited up, "we have a situation. Just the usual, aliens trying to destroy the world. We can handle it, but would really appreciate your input" Then Tony quickly left. Steve looked at Maria, he could hear gunfire and the sound of buildings collapsing in the background. People were screaming and children were crying, but Steve blocked all that out as he watched Maria leave with the words "Too bad, unrequited love sucks". Frustrated Steve quickly suited up and started killing the aliens in the most sadistic way possible. It felt good, too feel like he was in complete power, too feel strong, he had all that inner anger to let out. He tried to concentrate on only killing the aliens but every once in a while his gaze would drift towards Maria. He may sound like an old pervert now but he loved to watch her move in that tight catsuit of hers. Normally his morals forbid him to stare at a woman with lust but with Maria he couldn't stop himself. She was so beautiful and headstrong. He loved how the catsuit hugged her curves.

Maria was surrounded by a group of aliens. She turned, lashed out, felt her fist connect with muscled flesh and heard a soft "Oomph". She shifted position and her feet crossed, left in front of right. She spun on her left foot, the right coming up and out, catching her opponents squarely in the jaw. She punched. She ducked. She kicked. She twisted.

She staggered. She swung a roundhouse punch.

The rest she finished of with her gun. Steve admired how focused she was. She leapt behind a car only her head and gun peeking out over the hood. Not able to tear the gaze of her Steve suddenly noticed something. He quickly killed the aliens. Maria was so concentrated on the aliens infront of her, she didn't one of them slowly creeping towards her from behind, aiming a lethal weapon at her. With out another thought Steve threw himself at her, pressing her back to the ground, his body fully covering hers, just as the alien pushed the trigger. He placed himself like a blanket over Maria and took the blow. He rolled off Maria and could feel warm blood coming out of his abdomen. His vision got blurry but he could still see Marias beautiful face with absolute clarity. He frowned at the worry in her face "I'll be fine" he whispered. "Why did you do that, that blow was meant for me" "Because I love you" Maria bit her lip still not willing to give up the battle, he threw himself into a death-trap to safe her and she couldn't tell him she loved him. "You don't have to say it back. I know your not ready. I just wanted to let you know how I feel" he whispered weakly. "Why?" she asked, "Why me. What makes me so special?" "Because when you look at me you see Steve Rogers and not Captain America." She looked at him, her eyes shining because a layer of wetness covered them, enough to make her look like on the brink of tears, not enough for her to cry. She brought her lips to his. That was Steves last memory before he drifted off into the state of uncounsciousness.

**What will happen! Muahahaha review ad find out ma bitches!**

**LOve ya all!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, whats up? This is the last chapter :)**

A cold breeze grazed her face as Maria Hill slowly walked around in the cemetery. In the distance she could hear birds cry but other than that everything was silent. She had payed her father respect. Somehow she had gotten closure by shouting at his grave like a lunatic, she had told him everything she kept inside of her for all those years, she had told him what a great job he did at fucking her up- at making her emotionally unstable.

Maria pulled her jacket tighter around her. Her hand was still tightly clutching the rose and she felt how the thorns made their way into the soft flesh of her hand, blood warmly running down her wrist. Maria didn't care. A drop of blood fell onto the ground. The thorns tearing into her flesh gave her no pain at all, it was nothing compared to her inner turmoil. She had lost him before she even had him. Maria looked upon all the grey tombstones and thought about the people lying underneath, how it wasn't easy for them either to leave this world and to leave their loved ones behind. One single tear made its way down Marias cheek when she had reached her destination. Steve Rogers.

Nobody had taken it easy. Now they detested her even more, they thought it was her fault. Maria had studied each avenger closely when Fury spread the news. All of them were trying to keep their emotions hidden but eventually they came bubbling out. They all looked genuanly sad and not one of them would crack a smile for the next few days. All of them dealt with their emotions the only way they knew. Stark joked around a lot, Clint hid behind his irony, Banner disappeared into the science lab and buried himself with work and Natasha trained a lot, pushing herself to the very end. They haven't just lost a teammate they have lost a good friend too. But for Maria it was different she had lost her teammate, her best friend, one of the only people she ever trusted and most importantly her love. Maria didn't know how to deal with that pain so she did the only thing she knew, she built up thick walls around her and was as unapprochable as ever. She seeked out isolation and solitude. Nobody talked to her unless it was absolutely necessary. The rest of the world saw Maria as a cold, emotionless woman with a heart of stone, only Steve saw the insecure, somewhat warm and funny woman she really was.

Maria had tried opening up for Steves sake but she couldn't. Steve had been her column to lean on, without him she just collapsed. He was the one pushing her and without him she didn't have a reason too go on. Now all she had was an emty space inside of her and pain, a pain that would never go away and follow her like a shadow. A pain, which would always hang over her like a cloud.

At nights when Maria got tired, she had been staring at her door all day waiting for Steve to come back, praying for him to pop his head through the door. She put on his shirt, he once forgot it after one of their nights together. Wearing his shirt she wouldn't feel completely alone and abandoned- unloved.

The t-shirt smelled like him. His scent filled her nose. It was sweet but the memory burned. She looked back at the empty side of the bed where he should be. She closed her eyes. There he was. She blindly reached to the spot where his body should rest. She was expecting to touch the face that encompassed her mind's eyes, instead it hit the soft cotton fabric of the pillow. When her hand hit the pillow a whole new feeling of loss consumed her. She curled up under the sheets coming to a full realization that he's not here, that he's not going to come back.

An icy wind brought Maria back to reality. She threw the rose onto his grave and finally she felt ready: "I love you too."

Another tear made its way down her cheek.

She cried two tears for Steve Rogers, two tears more than she did for anybody else, including her father.

Steve Rogers was special, Steve Rogers is special.

**I decided to go with the sad ending, because, well, Steve and Maria riding of into the sunset and living happily ever after just didnt strike me as something they would do.**

**I hope you liked the story. **

**Review.**

**LOve ya all!**


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